It was cold and drizzling all morning on the third Sunday of November. I was at work . We worked all morning . After a tiring morning session at the work site , i stretched myself on the couch of a restaurant at HSR layout . I ordered the much-needed food and soda and opened facebook on my phone. The first post read ” She passed away peacefully in her bed, in her Daddy’s arms with no struggle. Her last words before the light passed out from her eyes was “Daddy”. Maya came into our life on Mother’s Day in 2012. she left us on children’s day in 2015 ” .
Preeti and Srinivas
A fellow entrepreneur and friend Preeti Sukumaran had just lost her little daughter. The long poignant post had my eyes moist.
It was just two days since my son had gone to Delhi to spend some time with grandparents and i was already missing him. Here was my friend who had lost her daughter for good. One can imagine what would have gone through her.
I left for the site and continued with my work. However ,one questing was still lingering on why did Maya pass away?
Time and again , the question about life and death confronts me. Time and again i try to find to answers but of no avail. Who are we? Where did we come from? Why are we here? Why the struggle with life? Is life better or death better (The saaphalya story of Kailasam) ? Why are we even born?
This is not my first post about death. I have written earlier on my experiences centred around death. But this post is more about the parents and the child.
Preeti and Srinivas are a wonderful couple. Both are Alumni of the prestigious IIM and both are Eco-Entrepreneurs. They are in fact founders of a company called krya. They do awesome work for the earth not only through their company but also through their writings.
I know Preeti through Facebook and through her columns in The Hindu.She is an amazing writer and even more amazing human being. I have read almost all her columns and her recommended books.
The posts that followed November 14 were very very touching. It was all about Maya and Maya’s “Maya”. I now know why she was named Maya. Series of poignant posts came from preeti and srinivas which i am sure moved all her friends and followers. She occasionally apologized for grieving in public, but those posts were required for her and her followers. Only a great mother can articulate her thoughts and feelings that well .
They wrote post after post, with beautiful pictures of Maya, right from the day of her passing on. They expressed their difficulty in accepting what had happened, and yet praying for strength for acceptance. They fondly recalled wonderful memories celebrating their angel, and recalled how she was loved by her grandparents, aunts and uncles. They wept aloud. They spoke to her asking her to come back. There was never any blame, not even on fate. Only forgiveness. When they didn’t have the strength to forgive, they prayed for strength. They expressed gratitude through writing and in person, to all the people, like the doctors at Sanjeevani, who were with them through their very challenging times; gratitude to the ‘infinitely kind universe’ for having given them such a beautiful experience of being with Maya; gratitude to all the people supporting them through their grief. Gratitude filled so many of their posts. As vegans, they shared their repentance as they chose to give Maya aattukkaal soup and cow’s milk everyday, asking for forgiveness from the mother cow and the goat. They replied to every single person who wrote to them. They announced with an apology, every time they could not be available.
My inspiration to write this post leaving all other work for the morning came from blogger Sangeetha Sriram. Sangeetha gave me a fresh perspective of grieving. She had written about Preeti and Srinivas. In fact, the last paragraph is taken from her blog.
Few days after Maya’s company was summoned by the almighty, devastation struck Chennai where Preeti and Srinivas live. Chennai was flooded and life was thrown out of gear . All of us got busy posting about the devastation and that so and so are to be blamed and how Amma is taking political mileage out of it.
But that was not the case with Preeti and Srinivas. They were at ground zero coordinating relief efforts. They were with the victims sourcing relief material for them. They used social media to communicate what was needed where and made sure what ever best they could source reaches the destination. Their energy levels were phenomenal. Best part of it all is that not even once like in the case of Maya, they questioned the God’s “Maya” on chennai. It is amazing how this couple moved on and could do so much in the wake of a calamity without complaint.
As Sangeetha points out “There is a lesson that I learnt from their experience which answered this for me. It is about Grieving.”
I realize in this fresh morning that grieving has that much more energy. I now understand how and why some amazing accomplishments were made in the wake of unbearable personal loss. Sangeetha brought fresh perspective into the power of Loss.
Sangeetha writes ” Many times, in the process of grieving, we blame ourselves, someone else, a situation, God, fate or whatever. We can fool ourselves that we have “bravely moved on” but we have only locked ourselves up energetically with our experience of loss, sinking deeper into suffering. Forgiving and expressing gratitude is a big part of grieving.
As sangeetha has so finely concluded “I learnt that truly grieving is about loving deeply, opening up, being vulnerable, forgiving, celebrating, sharing, expressing gratitude, being human, accepting, uninhibitedly crying, praying when it is hard to do all of these, so one can really heal, look forward to what lies ahead and move on. Grieving can be very beautiful in all its pain”.
It is so true that we will never move on. All losses personal or otherwise will stay on. What best we can do and should do is to use the loss as strength and stand up to face the reality and calamity. Preeeti and Srinivas are real life examples of that.
I pray the almighty to give Preeti and Srinivas the streghth and patience to do more good for the society .
Good Day to All !!!
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