20 February 2008, around 7:30 in the evening one of my dad’s cousins calls me up and asks me “ಸುರೇಶ ಹೇಗೆ ಇದಾನೆ ?”(How is suresh doing?). That was his 13th day of hospitalisation. Many of his friends and relatives visited him in the hospital in those 13 days. I am not sure anyone knew what would happen on the 21st nor did he himself know that the sunrise on the 21st would be the last sunrise of his life. He was so sure that he would go back home that on the 18 of february he had sent me a note to check when he could go home.
With Dad November 1985
As destiny would have it, immediately after the sunrise on the 21 February 2008, he set out for his heavenly journey. I am sure he would have had a great journey since he was always fond of travel. Not sure if he could get his favorite whiskey on the way. When he got to know that my brother is coming down, he had asked me to tell my brother to get a couple of bottles of whiskey for his brother and friends. His last wish was perhaps a bottle of whiskey not for himself ,but for his brother and friends. Even in his death bed , his spirits were quite high.
It was around 7:30 AM on the 21 morning, the same cousin called me up and asked “Body ಎಷ್ಟು ಗಂಟೆಗೆ ಬರುತ್ತೆ ?” (What time is the body coming home?). In the matter of 12 hours, Suresha had been reduced to a “Body”. Lot of people came home including a couple of my childhood friends and paid rich tributes. There was a sea of grief. There was a helpless silence. And there was “just” the body. In 12 hours , there was a sea change. The man had lost his name, his charisma and even his gender. He was just a “body”.
At the end of the day, we will all be just a body. Is it fair ? Well, we don’t have a choice. I think many times if all our struggles are worth it. We struggle so much to make others happy, struggle to make a living, struggle for name, struggle for fame. Is all of it worth it to be just called a “body” at the end of the day ?
May be my father never thought on these lines. Even if he had, he would not be bothered about it.He had hardly thought of himself all his life. It is true that you will not take anything with you, It is true that no one will come with you. But what is also true is what you have left behind. You have left a legacy. You have left the footsteps to follow. You have shown the value and the meaning of value. You have shown the beauty of life. That is the truth.
No family gathering goes without remembering my dad. No function is complete without remembering him. That is the legacy. My son is introduced sometimes as Suresh’s grandson and not as Sunil’s son. That is the legacy. It is Krishna’s good fortune. But krishna’s grandfather is not there today to celebrate the fortune.
His message is quite clear. One must not think about being reduced to a body one day. That is inevitable. But celebrating life and living it to the fullest is the meaning of a meaningful life.
With Parents in Mumbai; October 2006
My father’s life is the story of grit,courage, compassion and generosity. A mighty spirited man who fought an open heart surgery when he was 27 (In 1970, he traveled unreserved, standing from Baroda to Mumbai to undergo the surgery). That was followed up with a By-Pass surgery in 1993. He then scaled Badrinath and kedarnath in 1999.
He had very meagre resources to bring us up. But he managed it with precision and accountability. Nothing was compromised in our upbringing. My mother used to recount few times when it was so hard for my dad to manage and yet he never turned down any of her wishes.
I am grateful for the way we were brought up. We were thought the value of money and value of time. Every value was imbibed in our upbringing. If i am living today with self respect , it is only thanks to the way i was brought up.
His greatest asset were his brothers. He had very high respect and regards for all his brothers. He has told me a number of times that whatever we are today is only because of his brothers.
With all that he faced in life, he was in absolute love with life. He never complained against anything and had no regrets in life. He was the first person to offer a helping hand, at times at the cost of his own health. He was known for his generosity. No one who came to him asking for help in cash or kind were turned down.
His Last words (18-Feb-2008); Sent from ICU
He was seen as a helping hand in family and friends circle. Even in the extended circle, he was looked up for any help. He was the first person to attend to anyone who was sick. He was the first person to offer help if he sensed anyone was in trouble. He had gone out of his way many times to attend to people in need , at times irking my mother . Many times he had helped people in cash sacrificing his own and family needs. He was never disturbed if my mother disagreed to some of his actions. He once told me to always lift up your hand. To give is bliss. Be generous , you will never be satisfied if you want everything to yourself. Give a little, you will get it back many times over.
He was known for his punctuality, a virtue almost neglected in our generation. I cannot recollect one instance where he was late. He used to be the first person for any event and always the most helpful one. I use to make make fun of his obsession with time. Many years later, i realise the virtue and wisdom behind it. I can only recount my behaviour and feel ashamed of it.
I do not think his behaviour , his virtue or his vision of the world would have changed if he knew he would one day be called a “body”. For that matter, i think he knew it many times over. His body has gone, but his legacy has remained.
When i see my friend’s kids playing with their grandparents, or when i hear my friends saying that grandparents are taking care of their kids, i feel very bad for krishna. Krishna has not seen his paternal grandparents. He will completely miss their love and affection. He is unfortunate that way. Hope one day he knows the virtues and values his granddad stood for.
Sometimes, we children undermine our parents actions and behaviour. We do not realise what legacy and value structure their actions and words are creating. When we actually realise the legacy that is being left behind to follow, it will be too late and like in my case one can only repent and feel ashamed.
